This episode of Crowrider Street is brought to you by: The letter: “I” The planet: Uranus The word: Truth
Sometimes, when we listen to our inner guidance, the intuitive information we hear is not to our liking. On a smaller scale this can show up as the truth that I’m tired and need more rest, when my plan was to get more done in my day! I don’t want to rest! On a larger scale we may resist the reality that it’s time to change jobs, shift our relationships, or move from our homes. Simply put, we don’t like to LET GO OF THE PLAN!
But what happens when we actually acknowledge the truth of the moment even when we don’t like it. What happens when we claim the reality of what is rather than trying to bend reality to meet our plans?
Well with Uranus sitting directly on my natal sun this is a lively inquiry in my life right now! However, my personal journey with Uranus is in fact part of a much larger collective experience. Uranus, a powerful change god, has just recently moved into the sign of Aries, the part of all of our lives that relates to identity, the ongoing self-project, who I am, what I want, visions, what we are willing to fight for and new beginnings. The unexpected change-maker Uranus enters that aspect of our lives stimulating an electric level of authenticity and insights in the form of disruptive, but liberating truth.
Astrologer Liz Greene, in her book The Art of Stealing Fire, relates Uranus to the myth of Prometheus, who steals fire (creativity/inspiration) from the gods to give to humanity. She views Uranus as “a force within the psyche that has access to knowledge and how the cosmic system works, and how to apply it to the everyday affairs of human beings.”
This last week, in retrospect, I’ve had the very Uranian assignment of giving voice to potentially disruptive/catalyzing truth – expressing the bare bones of what I was authentically feeling, seeing and perceiving in a number of relationships and situations. And boy, it was NOT EASY! Having grown up in the habitual role of the pleasing good girl, who’s core organization revolved around perceiving one’s need and conforming to meet that need – speaking on behalf of unseen truth, that I knew would be hard to hear, was really difficult and scary. My greatest fear is that speaking the truth hurts people, makes them feel what they don’t want to feel, and if I open my mouth I will harm others and will be excommunicated! (Dramatic, but true.) My conforming persona has developed distinctly to avoid not being liked and feeling the kryptonite beam of other’s disappointment.
But I learned something really important this week when my worst fears did not come true!! In fact, the most astonishing thing happened – energy was liberated! Creativity blossomed! It seems that expressing emergent truth unearths creative potential and true intimacy is forged when authenticity is received. After some consideration, I think my communications went well (creatively, rather than destructively) because of four important variables:
1) I have some amazing individuals in my life (and you know who you are) that have the capacity to receive truth, even when they don’t like it, and see it as the benevolent face of Mystery guiding creation. (Rather than, “Laura is such a bitch!”) Thank the god/dess that I have friends, clients and family that want truth, that are courageous and open enough to collaborate with the shadow and that are dedicated to the growth and possibilities that can only come out of a deep alliance with the archetype of change!
2) A strong base of safety, trust, love and belonging was already established in these relationships. You can’t really go around speaking disruptive/catalyzing truth when this hasn’t been established first. It doesn’t go well – believe me.
3) I’m trying really hard to dis-identify from the energy of truth AS ME. This one is trickier. Because of my personal history, the family I was born into, and my essential constitution I naturally attune to shadow material. I naturally feel what others aren’t feeling. If I identify with the energy, I might think “I am this energy, I am disruptive” in which case delivering the truth feels personal and like “I am hurting someone. I am bad.” If I can dis-identify from the energy that wants to be expressed things go better. Think of an artist who is uniquely designed to perceive and bring form to a particular energy coming through them. But the artist is not that energy, rather an essential collaborative partner in its creation. With this perspective the “truth” can feel more neutral.
4) Even though it helps to dis-identify from the energy, that doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for the delivery. As the individual giving form to the energy, in this case in words, you are VERY responsible for how you say it, the love you say it with, and how much of the truth you give (calibrating what you see into small bite sizes is the kindest and most effective way for some people). I did OK on this one – better with some individuals and not so good with others. Thankfully those I was less adept with had some serious chops and turned the energy “downstream” very quickly. (thank you, thank you, thank you, bowing and salutations).
Here are some other questions and thoughts on the matter:
How do you recognize unspoken truth?
Unexpressed energy manifests somatically, so look for physical messengers – I had hives around my throat, heavy foggy energy and exhaustion! You also might feel tightness or fast chaotic energy. Watch out for avoidant behavior, like staying busy, taking drugs or drinking.
Feeling stuck or depressed is another sign. From a psychological perspective depression is a result of a psyche buried under a repressive, dominant force. That repressive force literally pushes down the creative energy that wants to live and express itself. The field of psychology is also beginning to recognize the role of shame in most depression. Shame occurs where the soul shrinks back into hiding, is unable to move out into the light of the world, is tricked and convinced into believing it is somehow unwanted, dangerous, threatening to our survival or the survival of our relationships. Shame feels like overwhelm, powerlessness, despair, isolation and paralysis, which is what we often call depression.
How do we locate trapped authenticity and emergent truth?
The recipe for finding our truth lies in our emotional and physical awareness not in our heads! The rational plan, what our conditioned self wants to be true, is derived from our heads. What is actually true lives in the present moment and can only be tuned into through WHAT WE FEEL. Unexpressed energy is stored in our bodies and speaks through our emotions so track yo’self!
Why is it so hard to get to our truth? Why does it get trapped?
Our authenticity got relegated to the shadows a long time ago and there are gatekeepers, old defensive strategies, at the threshold of expression that try to keep your truth encaged. Therefore, speaking the truth amounts to breaking a personal taboo, and the guardians of the status quo are not happy about you breaking the rules! Letting loose the truth disrupts your agreements with others – it challenges your ingrained beliefs about what part of yourself you have agreed to deny in order to belong. Letting this trapped energy out also disrupts your inner world – we unconsciously make agreements with these nasty gatekeepers to stay small, to not risk exposure, loss, fear, overwhelm and exile.
How do you identify these repressive gatekeepers?
For me, these little buggers most often come in the form of SHOULDS. I should want to go to that party, I should help that friend, or I should feel happy about this or that…any voice or energy that OVERRIDES what I’m really feeling! And over one’s lifetime this heavy stream of shoulds buries our authentic desires and feelings, numbs our relationship to the informative body and the ground of objective truth. Watch out for the shoulds and listen to WHAT YOU FEEL! (did I say that already? Yep.)
Why is this process of freeing our authentic truth important?
If we can align with the emergent truth, we are at one with the force of creativity and evolution – and there is enormous energy and freedom in that stream. There is also the potential for a true experience of belonging – true intimacy that emerges from you being authentic rather than having to deny a part of you.
And because your truth is essential and valued! We need the life force that only you can express! We each hold one precious visionary thread that drives collective evolution. If we each can say yes to the emergent truth of the moment in our own lives, we are supporting a new paradigm of consciousness to unfold on our planet. New emerging science like quantum physics, systems theory, and field theory is introducing a new epistemology, or way of knowing truth, called “the participatory or cooperative paradigm.” We now know we are part of an energetic and cultural ecosystem and that our collective re-organization depends on each individual to be an adaptive flow-through of emerging imagination for the whole system of life to expand and evolve.
Is there trapped energy inside of you? What does it want to say, do, express? What part of your defense strategies do you need to loosen to let the new emerging you express itself? Where are you resisting reality rather than seeing the possibility of creating with the truth of the present moment?
Upcoming Workshop ROOTS and WINGS: A six-week initiatory experience with Laura Tabet in Berkeley CA. Tuesday nights beginning April 26, 2011. “There is a powerful and unrelenting dream knocking on the inside of your ribcage and it wants to live through you.” Learn to catalyze change with playfulness, creativity and more. For info and registration, contact Laura Tabet at lauratabet@hotmail.com or 510-484-7899
Image: from my new moon in aries collage, picture taken on iphone camera