I was talking with a client the other day and together we were acknowledging the real gritty truth of living an awakened life. We all, at some time in our lives, in one-way or another, receive a calling to engage our inner life: we get dragged to a meditation class by our trippy friend, undergo a tremendous loss or change in our lives, an inner restlessness drives us to reflect, we find the latest Eckhart Tolle book on the BART train, etc. However we arrive at the identity of ‘seeker’ and initiate our personal heroic journey, for many of us the first steps on the path can enliven feelings of liberation and freedom that result from shedding the tight grip of our conditioned human strategies for staying safe and following the rules. For some of us the first steps on the path are fun! The first inner image we see, the earth shattering sentence we read, the first time we run into a friend we were just thinking about, the first time we understand that MAGIC (intention + collaboration with the unknown) actually WORKS!, the first inner guide we meet, and the first time we don’t say YES when we really mean NO–all these firsts are cool and mysterious, right?! And most of us get hooked on this endlessly evolving journey of growth and magical collaboration – we are propelled by the desire to see what’s behind the veil.
At least that’s how it was for me. My pioneering mom introduced me to shamanic journeying when I was 15, and the first time I met my animal guide I was pretty much captivated by the magic of the inner world and the special feeling of being recognized and talked to by the other world. However, while getting practical guidance from a talking unicorn is certainly fun, and part of the joy of relating to the Mystery, it is not the aspect of the journey that my client and I were talking about. We were talking about the part that is hard and scary – the part that takes courage. Once you step onto the path you step off the known map and begin a life-long journey with a new, constant presence – fear. Nobody tells you at the beginning that your initial naive interest in increasing your intuition will one day require you learn how to walk the thin tightrope of the unknown.
Back in the summer of 2006 four of my closest friends, some of the most powerful and magical women I know, went out to Vermont to visit with our mentor and friend Mary Swanson who had just recently moved there from San Francisco. Part of our many adventures included deepening our understanding of our astrological moons as a clue to the particular wisdom and gifts we each carry into the world. As part of our inquiry we took a shamanic journey to receive further information about our moon gifts. The vision I received on that journey was certainly a personal message to me, but as a Capricorn Moon in the 10th house (Responsible for the Organizing Principles of Culture/Caretaker of the Web), my vision was also a dream for the collective. Carl Jung believed that amongst our stream of nightly ‘little dreams,’ one can be visited by what he called a ‘big dream,’ a vision from the collective unconscious that he, and many indigenous cultures, understood were meant to be shared – they knew that the images of a ‘big dream’ are meant to feed and instruct the entire community.
So here’s my big dream: In my vision I was asked to create a cloak made of crow feathers and was led to a large crow waiting for me under the full moon on the edge of a cliff. I was instructed to take my seat on her back – and I was nervous. I didn’t know how to ride a crow and I wasn’t sure I trusted crows. Aren’t they omens of death? I slid on her back and noticed that her shiny, dark feathers were hiding subtle rainbows as the moonlight glimmered on the surface of her slick wings (you can actually see those rainbows in crow feathers!). Once aboard her strong, capable back the crow rose high into the sky – higher and higher until we were flying through the stars and the green and blue earth was distantly glowing below us. Crow asked me to look down at the earth – and to look closely. I could see that in addition to the blue waters and green land, part of the earth was covered in shadow – thick dark layers of heaviness and grief. Crow informed me that this shadow was my responsibility – that my work in the world was inextricably linked to metabolizing this suffering. I felt so alone – so burdened. Just then, Crow told me to look to my right. So I did. I saw thousands and thousands of Crows with riders on their backs encircling the globe. They all saw what I saw and nodded their heads in shared knowing. Crow told me to look to my left. And I saw thousands of Crows with riders on their backs encircling the earth to the left of me. It was unspoken, but we all knew we had a job to do and we took comfort in our numbers and shared purpose. A group of Crows is called a ‘murder’. So there I was, a singular rider flying among a murder of Crowriders with a common purpose and a shared responsibility. I’ve been on the hunt for my fellow Crowriders ever since and I find them every day: brave souls, daring to listen, engaging the collective necessity to dance with their shadow and to trust the darkness gives birth to our most creative lives.
Two years after I had this vision I was lucky enough to experience one of the most influential Crowriders I’ve met to date – Joanna Macy. Macy has dedicated her life to the human transformation movement, linking her knowledge of ecological systems theory with her lifelong study of Buddhism. In this talk, Macy spoke of the dramatic collective shift in consciousness that we are currently living through – what she calls the time of “The Great Turning.” These times are marked by the risk of great destruction and an even greater possibility for creative transformation. At this particular talk she shared that when she was first studying Buddhism and traveling in Tibet, she came upon a group of Tibetan monks who shared with her an ancient prophecy twelve centuries old – a prophecy about the times that we are living in RIGHT NOW. This ‘Shambhala Prophecy’ spoke of the coming of a group of ‘Shambhala warriors.’ Courageous warriors that would go ‘into the heart of the barbarian power’ that threatens life, carrying ‘the weapons of compassion and insight,’ these warriors recognize that because the weapons of destruction are manomaya, or “mind-made,” they can be unmade as well.
However, the dismantling of perception, and the process of giving birth to new creations, requires that we learn to live at the chaotic edge of life and death. The encounter with imagination can be overwhelming (and exhilarating) as the premature loss of so many vital artists can attest to. So we must strengthen our resources, we must train as warriors and come readied to the threshold of the unknown. While the awakened path certainly calls upon the capacities of insight, compassion and courage to transmute what binds us into what sustains us, it also requires the right amount of madness as well. This is the kind of wildness I see in the clever trickster Crow. We must learn to honor the omens of death in our life that ultimately bring about our liberation and have the courage to climb on Crow’s back and take flight, even when we’re scared.
So I ask you to consider these questions: What man-made limitation within you threatens the existence of your creative life? What omen of death are you ignoring, what long-held belief or behavior is ready to die? What kind of safe land are you ready to leave behind to begin the flight of your lives? What truth is caged inside of you that you can free? Where is it time to “Caw it like you see it!”*
Are you willing to be a warrior, to join the growing number of gathering Crowriders and to take this terrifying, vital, and creative ride? If you are…remember you are not alone. Just look to your left – then look to your right.
Leave a comment, if you feel inspired. We want to hear from you.
Laura Tabet, MA, (PhD candidate) is a healing arts practitioner, teacher, writer and Crowrider, working and flying about in Oakland, CA, supporting the training of future Crowriders – individuals interested in gaining capacities and highly creative lives through engaged transformation. Cranio Sacral Therapy, Imaginal Psychology, Intuitive Consultation, Mythology, Astrology, Energy Work, and Expressive Arts are her most trusted training practices. She is currently writing a dissertation on human initiation and the role of imagination in engaging the creative potential of change and seeks playful collaboration with all interested Crowriders! Visit her at lauratabet.com
artwork: Painting Crowlaboration by Laura Tabet and Ajay Reed
photo: iPhone
* Caw it like you see it! is from the Medicine Cards